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Empathy gives you a feeling for what it's like to be another person When you are empathic even quietly and tacitly that tells the other person that he or she exists for you as a being as a Thou to your I That's usually what people most want to know; it's more fundamental than whatever topic is on the table
Empathy is soothing calming bridge-building; when it's present it's much easier to work through things Empathy gives you lots of useful information like what's most important to others or what's really bothering them
The Practice
Try to repeatedly tune into the interior of the people around you; "empathy moments" often take just a few seconds
To help yourself remember that empathy is not agreement or approval You can tune into someone who hurt you or is irritating; you're not waiving your rights Nor do you have to solve the other person's problem
Also know that empathy is completely natural As we evolved the brain developed three circuits (loosely defined) for empathy that simulate the actions emotions and thoughts of others For example when you experience an emotion a part of your brain called the insula lights up; remarkably when you see emotions in others some of the same neurons in your insula activate as well The result is you get a taste of what they're feeling You were born empathic
Start by centering yourself so you don't feel overwhelmed; studies have found that paradoxically a little feeling of detachment actually promotes empathy; as Robert Frost wrote fences make for good neighbors Then open up to other people letting their inner life flow through you like wind through the leaves of a deeply rooted tree
Tune into their breathing posture gestures actions Imagine what it would feel like to move your own body in the same ways
Tune into their emotions particularly the softer ones underneath verbal positions or anger Watch the eyes closely; human eyes are the most expressive of any species on our planet Open up to your own gut feelings which could be resonating with those of other people Ask yourself what you would be feeling if you were them
Tune into their thoughts memories expectations needs and intentions Form little hypotheses in your mind about what could be going on over there Take into account what you know about their personal history - including with you - and their temperament priorities hot buttons Be curious and look beneath the surface
As appropriate check out your empathic intuitions Ask simple questions like: Were you feeling ____ Did you want ____ Did you feel pulled between ____ and ____ Be respectful not persuasive or prosecutorial Don't muddle empathy with asserting your own views or needs; do that part later
Stay with it Empathy is a kind of mindfulness practice sustaining attention this time to someone else's inner world
And when it's your turn to receive empathy you'll know better what it is you are asking for
The best way to get empathy is to give it Author's Bio: waiting for the day in despair. whether there are immutable love, but will occasionally be deceived Print hoof hoof born in nine zero destined to our extraordinary why cute we are blooming flowers hi is happiness, sorrow is better won't pretend to force a smile all I want.
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